Parenting | Parenting Information

Question: Is attachment parenting only for sahm's?

(Posted by: beliz on 2010-07-30 08:45:38)

I have many questions relating to this, but I’ll try to keep it specific: My son just turned 10 months old, and I love rocking him to sleep. Especially during the school year (I’m a teacher)…I feel like it’s such a therapeutic time for both of us at the end of a long day. During the summer, I’ve still been rocking him to sleep for naps, but at night time (on the advice of my pediatrician and pressure from other moms), I’ve started putting him to sleep in his crib. Initially, it consisted of him standing up anywhere from 4 to 10 times, me laying him back down and saying “night night� each time, and him eventually staying down and drifting off to sleep with my hand on his chest. Recently, though, the norm has become him standing up repeatedly, getting more and more anxious until he’s full on having a fit, and me giving in and rocking him after about 15 minutes because he’s tired, I’m tired (I’m off for the summer but taking 2 classes), and to me it’s simply not worth it. I suspect teeth have a lot to do with this (he’s also been waking up more to nurse during the night), but also he’s just becoming a lot more alert and aware. My main concern is that when school starts again, I doubt his new daycare will rock him to sleep at each nap (haven’t found one yet but working on that). So while part of me wants to just forget the whole dilemma and rock him to sleep as long as we both enjoy it, another part of me wonders if I should extend this sleep battle to nap time in addition to bed time, buckle down and be super consistent, in the hopes that it will make things easier on him in daycare. I guess my question in all this is: do you have to be a stay at home mom in order to be able to(among other things) rock your baby to sleep? (that just doesn’t seem fair!) FYI: don’t bother suggesting CIO…not gonna happen. I rock him to sleep for naps because his last daycare provider was willing to do it too. It was just him and her and she was fabulous, unfortunately, she just informed us she would not be able to do it this coming school year....hence the scramble for daycare.

Posted by: jen on 2010-07-30, 08:56:49

Working mothers can absolutely use attachment parenting principles. Babies are smart and they adjust. He can learn that at home he is rocked and cuddled to sleep and that at daycare he is laid down and read to, or whatever. **lol. "Well, it's pretty hard to attachment parent a child who you are not even with... " Yes, how on earth do you rock your child when you're not with her? OMG. Anyway, I breastfeed, cosleep, babywear, all that stuff, and I work full-time. AP is basically just being nurturing and responsive to your child's needs. Some people choose not to do that stuff- and, as you can see here, some choose not to believe that a parent who works full-time is still more involved with and caring toward her child than the people who are blessed with more time to do the same bother to be. :)

Posted by: cathrl69 on 2010-07-30, 08:53:15

Well, it's pretty hard to attachment parent a child who you are not even with... No, his daycare will almost certainly not rock him to sleep - they will not have one member of staff per child so it won't be practical. However, it's highly likely that he'll simply accept that mummy's the only person who rocks him to sleep. It's not like he's a newborn. He's plenty old enough to figure out that things happen at home which don't happen at daycare, and vice versa. I'm bemused by why you'd have _started_ to rock an older baby to sleep for naps, though - didn't it occur to you it would be a problem when you went back to work?

Posted by: adrian♥ on 2010-07-30, 08:54:03

Attachment parenting is for those who don't mind their children being coddled. Really, 10 months old is plenty old enough to know how to soothe himself to sleep. No rocking required. I know it's a great bonding time, and I'm not saying you can't ever rock him, but rocking before bedtime can really become a bad habit. CIO? No, I don't recommend that either. But what I do recommend is the Ferber method. He's got to learn how to self soothe and the longer you wait the harder it will be. If you know for sure that you won't be able to rock him to sleep once school starts and that you don't want to be laying him back down every 2 seconds, you really need to fix this problem now before you're dealing with this, school, and trying to squeeze time for your sleep in. It's tough and it's not fun seeing your baby become older and not depend on you as much, but you have to let him grow and develop. Learning to self soothe is an important milestone that all babies need to reach, and the longer you wait to teach them the harder and more stressful it is on both of you.

Posted by: Aubree's Momma♥ on 2010-07-30, 08:57:56

I don't see why people are giving you a tough time for rocking him to sleep, period. My little girl is 7 1/ 2 months and I rock her to sleep every night. I plan to do so until she decides that she doesn't want me to do it anymore. I cherish those extra couple of minutes. Infact, I usually rock her in the living room and snuggle with her for a half hour or so before I put her in her crib. When I work until 6pm, get home at 630pm.. it only gives us about 2 hours together before she's off to sleep & at least a hour of that is me feeding her dinner & giving her a bath! It's just not fair. I wish there were more time in the day. Im really struggling with only getting limited amounts of time with her. :-( To answer your question; no, you don't have to be a stay at home mom in order to rock your baby to sleep! I do it every night :o)

Posted by: sueder on 2010-07-30, 08:58:56

I am a teacher also and my husband is a stay at home dad. I have enjoyed the summer off with my now 7 month old and it will be hard to go back to work! But, I have read, and seen personally with my son that even young children will learn to adapt and act differently with different people. No, I highly doubt the daycare will rock your son to sleep, but I also don't think it will be a problem for him. He will simply learn, OK I am not at home and I don't get rocked here. It should not affect his sleep any after he adapts and he will probably enjoy his rocks with you all that much more!

Posted by: samantha p on 2010-07-30, 09:12:52

Im a SAHM, by choice of course but ill tell you. No you dont have to be a SAHM to bond with your child. I rocked my first child to sleep and i paid the price. I thought it was just the best bonding time with her but every time she went to sleep she had to be rocked! She would never fall asleep on her own and its frustrated but, I did it to myself. Today she falls asleep without rocking. It took 2 years.Today when she falls asleep i still need to be side by side with her so i just take a nap as we'll since im pregnant with my second. I know you wanted to do the bonding thing but since you are a working mama it will be hard for you to adjust. You either have to be consistent and try putting your child down. After so long of crying they will fall asleep. I know you dint want to hear your baby crying i always gave in but it was my first child. I know now with the second child he is sleeping in the crib when its nap time!

Posted by: sydneys mommy 03/06/10 on 2010-07-30, 09:25:27

I really would not try the sleep training methods. anyone that include you leaving your child in a crib being ignored is just cruel. i have worked at a daycare when i was younger. parents would come in and say to me "oh she is being wonderful right now! " after they watch their child before they pick them up. children act different when they are placed in different social settings. they will learn the difference between what mommy does and what daycare does. you can keep your routine the same and your child should adjust just fine after time. they first couple days might be hard but he will get used to it in no time!